…a brief glance…

…another year older! officially only a year away from the big 30.

the night before my birthday, i was in my pyjama’s and in bed by 8 in the evening. i figured if i was asleep, i can almost forget traditions. but let’s just say that wasn’t going to happen as i was getting phone calls all eve and the birthday greetings started at 11:30. which was rather sweet and i totally appreciated it.

the day at work was rather a normal and non climactic in any way. dinner at the pearsons with the family was rather special. aunty wazza had flowers and a box of choc-chip macadamia cookies waiting for me at the table. the pearson’s rock! the whole family was complete, with the addition of my honorary strawberry blonde nieces for the night c/o the skuse’s.  tell you what we were looking like the add for united colours of benetton kids ware.

the day was pretty hard, slipped in and out throughout the day. my sis kept calling to check on me, having moments on my behalf… she’s funny!

the day came and went without much fuss.

the rest of the weekend was planned by my closest friends. a night in town, dinner, dancing and crashing at a hotel, and breakfast.

before heading to the city we went to the cemetary to see my mom, i just needed to. walking up to see her was hard, it hurt to think the remainder of my birthdays would be spent with a trip to the cemetary just to see her, i know she’s always with me, but you know what i mean. i find that when i’m there i can never stay for very long. it’s just hard. after a few minutes when i looked at cynt and jes to say let’s go, i knew they understood.

we drove cynt home before heading to our hotel room when the banans was awaiting our arrival. after promptly dumping our bags and jes demanding i change out of my sneakers, we headed for what was part of my present. a walk around the world before jes stopped in front of dymocks to reveal my present… my pre-ordered copy of Harry Potter.  from there we had coffee and scones, pretty much had our very own version of high tea at a club in which jes is a member. banan, jes and i had fun and enjoyed the catch up we were able to have. which is always like slipping on your favourite pair of pyjamas. we tried to speed shop but it just wasn’t doable as we literally had half an hour to get ready for dinner.

dinner was lovely and intimate. the restaurant had a good ambiance and the food was great. even the boys approved, which is high praise from our food critics.  we headed back to the hotel so the others could check it out, as the girls were the only ones staying the night. not long after we headed to the GAB bar for Old School R&B, which can i just say ‘when did Bobby Brown ‘Humpin Around’ classify as old shool?’ the first part of the night was spent on the couches, catching up with Ross, Jade and the others… the music was really bad. it wasn’t till around 1ish did the music get better and we got to boogie! by then there was only a handful of us left, but we had fun.

it meant a lot that jade pitched up at the club because she couldn’t come to dinner. somehow it was like she knew that i needed re-enforcements, and i did. i think jade and i will always share that understanding. regardless the time apart and infrequent catch ups, there’s something about each other’s presence that calms the other. especially after everything. i know that jade considered my mom as one of her own, and vice versa. throughout high school, more often than not jade came home to our house on friday’s and my mom loved her to bits. having her that night, meant a lot, i knew with a look that she understood what i felt was missing. as my closest friends do, for which i am fortunate to have them and are grateful for them.

we staggered back to the hotel room around 4ish/4:30ish, with a pit stop to macca’s. so bad, but sooooo necessary at that point. we stayed at the hotel lobby to consume the not so good goodies as we didn’t want to stink up our room, or wake val up who we guessed would be sleeping by then. 

eventually we got to sleep only to get up a couple of hours later for breakfast and an early start for home as we were all heading to our respectable church services that morning.

the weekend was jam packed which helped in the determination to keep it together. to not notice that something was missing. an attempt to fill a void that can never be filled.

the other day i was driving to work, and as i was driving an ambulance pulled up beside me and the sirens started going off and i froze. i was in traffic so it was okay, but i was ill prepared for how easily it transported me to that evening, how it brought every feeling i had in that ambulance that night.

i was reminded the other day that it doesn’t just go away because i want it to. that it’s a process and i just need to walk through the process instead of willing to be at the end of it. so i’m going to give that a go.

anyways, better head back to work. will post latest happs later on.