…a brief glance…

after the gruelling time in melbourne, despite the fun times, it took a toll and i was sick for the whole week later. no voice and everything. impressive huh!

ate gigi and kuya jay dropped me off at the airport, and though they are only an hour away from sydney by plane, it felt like i was leaving them from the phils and we weren’t going to see each other forever. i hugged ate gigi and we managed to do the goodbyes without the waterworks. a proud moment for us both!

after ate picked me up, we dropped by her house so i can pick up saatchi before heading for the cemetary. the night before was tougher than normal, for all the obvious reasons i guess… but that night, it felt like i was reliving the whole day of the accident. i don’t know if it was because i was sick, and overly emotional because i was feeling so physically bad… but i relived that awful night all over again. which when you’re nauseaus and can’t breathe, isn’t really advisable to be in a fit of uncontrollable tears, especially when you’re trying to so hard to be discreet in a van full of your closest friends, whom in fairness would understand, but i wasn’t up for the explanation that would be necessary.

anyways… after we visited the cemetary, we went to Pho for lunch, and basically stuffed ourselves silly. comfort food much!

that following weekend i worked on an invitation for a friend of a friend’s and actually got my first pay check for the business. for those that don’t know, a friend and i have started an event planning business, we plan events and we design invitations. that was pretty exciting to have the cash in hand. it wasn’t much, but the excitement was ample. at the moment it is going pretty well, i have a few projects in the pipeline.

on friday we had paolo’s farewell at the UN club… he left for London on Monday. upon walking into the club my first thoughts, and i soooo wasn’t alone was, ‘I FEEL EXTREMELY OLD’… but it was fun. it was nice to catch up with friends in the likes of Mic who i don’t see very often. i realised how much i’ve missed him and hanging out with him. before 1am we made our exit and left the partying to the young’uns and the banans whose stamina astounds and impresses me.

on saturday i agreed to be jes’ date for her double date with one of her friends who wanted her to meet her boyfriend, as chris had other engagements. so i made her come with me to city hills… which proved to be as hard as i thought it would be. seeing as the last time i fronted there was the night i went with my mom, the night before she passed away.  it was difficult to walk through the doors knowing that the last time i went through those doors, i was with my mom. she got a picture of what i did every sunday at city hills, and my heart fell as i felt the loss all over again. i got to see my kids church pastor which was nice, and she was as supportive as ever. also got to see my friends marie and emily which meant a lot. we haven’t seen each other since the colour conference, and i’ve missed them. at the end i ended up crying… like what else is new. i just couldn’t help it. it was just sad!

sunday night i went to ann’s house to say g’bye to paolo. it seemed weird to watch him wander around the house as he gathered his belongings and mentally prepared himself for the journey ahead. the thoughts running through his mind would be similar to those mine only 3 years ago. i was excited for him, maybe even a little envious of the adventure ahead. for me, london feels like a lifetime ago. after everything, it feels like so much time has passed, at the same time, no time at all. i remember those last days in sydney before my departure, last minute meets with friends. all night conversations with your nearest and dearest, and the constant presence of your best friends in your household, savouring each moment. how time flies! he’s going to have a blast!

this weekend is at’s birthday… and it would be easy to sweep it under the carpet as just another birthday, but no amounts of alcohol (though we will try) will erase the void that we are sure to feel. the missing phone call at midnight from my mom. i remember those, when we were younger and she was at work (as she always took our birthday as a day/night off), and most especially when i was away. she was always my first phone call, though she often joked that she wanted to wait till the traffic subsided as she knew my sister and friends would be aiming to wish me happy birthday right on the dot too. as my own birthday approaches, i cannot help but dread it. moments that i once took for granted makes my heart ache that they are moments i will never have again. on the nights that my mom wasn’t working on the even before my birthday, regardless if she was already asleep or not, she would wake up at midnight and come into my room, kiss me happy birthday and lie down on my bed with me till we both fell asleep again. in the morning she would be gone, making preparations for the festivities of the day. that’s what she did last year. i didn’t think for a moment that last year would be the last time she would do that. i hate that it was.

during the time i was sick, i missed her more than ever. of course! but last week when i went to visit mer at home because she was sick, i found that i couldn’t stay there for very long. her mom was there, and she was taking care of her, and it just made me sad. i realise what a baby i’m going to sound like when i say that there is nothing like your mother taking care of you when you’re sick. lying on her lap when you’re delirious from a high fever. i remember the first time i got sick whilst i was away, i was sitting in the laundrymat 15 min walk away from home doing a whole week’s worth of laundry feeling like crap and she called me and i just burst into tears because i felt so bad, and she just talked me through it. that was enough… to hear her voice was enough. what you take for granted huh! arghhhh!!!!

moving along… seeing as i’m at work and my tears are welling up and i’m borderline on blubbering.

peace out! love lots!