…a brief glance…

yay! it’t the weekend again! says the person who’s currently working part time. tee hee! anyways, i digress.

tomorrow the crew and i are off to melbourne… all at different times, means and flights! funny bunch of people we are, but that’s how it has worked out.

jes and chris embarked on their road trip to victoria early this morning and the last communication we had this afternoon they were well on their way.

the tankman, preggy and ann have a 7ish flight tomorrow morning to Avalon, and i fly out at 9am heading for tullamarine? where i will be meeting my ate alma and kuya lon. i’ll get to spend the day with them and the kiddies before meeting up with ate gigi and the rest of the family for dinner, and then they’re taking me to the hotel apartments where we’re staying.

saturday is an open day, jes and i are hoping to see as much as we can, and in the evening we have the premiere for miss saigon, which is the main reason for our trip to melbourne, which has been in the planning for quite sometime now. not quite sure what kind of havoc the boys are going to make whilst they are let loose at the crown casino while we watch miss saigon, but hey that’s going to be a talk point between them and their spouses.

sunday, which i am really excited about… we’ve rented a van so we can drive to see the 12 apostles, which apparantly isn’t really 12 anymore.

monday i fly back early in the morning to be back for the 6 month anniversary gathering. we’re all meeting at the cemetary and then off to lunch together.

it’s weird to think that it has been 6 months, it’s hard to fathom that we have endured 6 months already. how time flies! there are still so many things that needs to be straightened out in terms of legalities, and i guess once that’s done, the official things can be laid to rest.

it’s funny because so much has changed, and at the same time, very little has. it’s almost like if you close your eyes really tightly you can almost convince yourself it didn’t happen. but at some point you do have to open your eyes and realise that you see things differently than before.

last week was pretty rough, for no particular reason. i just missed my mom. it seemed like every opportunity presented triggered such a response, and it’s always hard to come to grips with she is never going to be around again.

so many times, especially in the last couple of weeks i have just had so much to tell her, and though i knew she could hear me, it just wasn’t the same. i knew she would have loved that my ate went to the phils, saw her prized condo, and got to spend time with our relatives back him. i wonder what she thought when things we’ren’t exactly going our way regarding the paperwork we were trying to sort out and the politics interwoven in what was already a complicated situation. was she as dumbfounded as we were at the realisation that a certain relationship seems not only unsalvageable but even more catastrophic than what we had ever imagined. i am stunned at the mindset and the lack of … i don’t even have a word. is she watching? does she see the mine field that keeps exploding around us. does she realise that when she died, we became an orphan? she was the one who cared for us, took care of us, loved us so certainly to a fault… does she know when she died she took away the parent who believed in us, in all we could be, and the parent who loved us above herself. the parent who put us first. with everything that’s happened and recently unfolded, does she know we lost more than her? what would she say to our current predicament? knowing my mother she’s push for reconciliation ‘you’re the children, you adjust…etc etc’ how do you reconcile after numerous blows, not only to your character but the very memory of the mother so insistent on the peace between all parties. would she still insist knowing all that has happened these last few months, the thing is… she would. because that’s who she was, especially when it came to that one person. one can only pray for the grace to do what i know she would want regardless how wrong it may seem and the reception we get despite the effort.

i’m looking forward to melbourne, though we went away for a couple of weeks, it was in no way a holiday. i feel bad for not being at home on sunday, which marks six months to the day of the accident… at the same time a little relieved. even though i know that wherever i am i will be reliving the day over and over again in my head, the change of scenery may help. hopefully my brother won’t be alone all day… though we’re usually at separate ends of the house when we are home together, at least we’re there together. i would hate for him to be alone, mainly because at some point it will kick in.

anyways, this was supposed to be low key blog and here i am with a long diatribe all over again. off to bed. early morning tomorrow.

super cool party people bid you super cool adieu! *thank you gilmore girls for that little piece of pop reference*