There’s something annoying about habits, especially your own. How sometimes you?d like to switch off an automatic mechanism that works within you that triggers you to do something that if you had a moment to think about it, you know it would be better if you hadn’t, because the moment you do, you?re on the waiting end of reactive.
* My Cousins *
For the last couple of years, I have been blogging for an audience, and it hit me that I don?t really want to do that anymore, for one, I think it has somehow restricted my ability to express myself, seeing as it?s safe to say that no one is really reading it anymore, rambles here I comes? more than usual? One ponders!
So it?s Month 4 upon my return, and though it?s great to be home. I wouldn?t be human if I didn?t say that some days are harder than some, and though there are many great days, there are dark days too, where I feel caught between two worlds. Which is what I feared from the beginning. Lori worded it so well in a an e-mail once ? she said it was like trying to live in a world that no longer belongs to you, but as much as I love being at home, it feels like I am still trying to fit and make this world mine again. some days are harder than some, and though there are many great days, there are dark days too, where I feel caught between two worlds. Which is what I feared from the beginning. Lori worded it so well in a an e-mail once ? she said it was like trying to live in a world that no longer belongs to you, but as much as I love being at home, it feels like I am still trying to fit and make this world mine again.
I don?t want to go back to London, I know that my season there is OVER?for more reasons than I can even begin to put into words, I am well aware of that, which is what makes it harder because I know jumping on a plane back to London isn?t going to fix my ?unsettled-ness?. The thing is, the ?unsettled-ness? lies in me, and me alone. Something inside of me is holding on tightly to what was there?maybe it?s because where I felt the most free. But freedom isn?t about location. It?s about choice. Something in me is choosing not to let go just yet. Learning impaired much! Mind boggles!
With only a couple of weeks left before the Phils, I have a couple of weeks to get my gear together. Organise my application for Post Grad next year, which I am really excited about. I have no misgivings on how hard it?s going to be, but I am also hoping that the scholar schedule will allow for me to still work, if even full time, if so, that work will allow me to work around my study schedule. Praying that my tax cheque from London will come through ASAP as it would make a substantial deposit into my very first, very own broom broom. I don?t care if it?s old, as long as it gets me to where I need to go.
Much to my delight, I have finally received a phone call from someone from Treasure Chest, and I have my sit in/interview on Sunday to be on the Treasure Chest team, although I have grown to love my kids for the 5pm Sunday Service, my heart is leading me down this path.
The last couple of weeks have been a little bit of a struggle, it was like a tornado had sucked me into an endless whirpool and I couldn?t quite get out?which was frustrating, but thanks for the prayers Ashe and Ann?my accountability partners.
Val has finally gotten her blades, and we?re looking forward to heading out to the Mount Annan Botanical Garden to roller blade?it?s been awhile for me so that experience should be interesting.
This weekend was pretty jam packed. Friday I dropped by Kuya Ferd and Ate Rose? place for a little while just to briefly see the girls and Josh, my extremely tall 16 year old nephew, who has managed to make me feel incredibly short. Got to play with Ashlee Rose and Maddie for an hour. I love hanging out with them, if even briefly. It means Maddie doesn?t cry when I pick her up =) I love my nieces and nephew, though I am not well versed in Josh?s language, which consists of PS2?s and Warcraft, I love that kid to bits. I love that he has grown into a young man?smart, and good looking! Says that somewhat UN-biased Aunt.
Sunday was spent with the rest of my cousins, which is always fun. I realised how much I love hanging out with my cousins. They?re all funny and hilarious in their own way, and we have developed IN jokes that only we understand, that thankfully flies pass our Parental?s head. It wasn?t till I returned to Sydney from being away that I have felt like I belong. It?s nice to finally feel like I do.
A lot has changed since my return, and some, not so much?all of which are proving to be character building?when I choose it to be =) Otherwise their just annoying obstacles I keep encountering?lessons will keep presenting itself till lesson is learned?duh!
You know what, before I even asked, God whispered the above things in my heart. I think God wants you to go to Him. You mentioned that you missed having someone a few steps ahead of you – well that’s God spot. He’s there. Maybe He surrounded you with so many people in London to help you grow but now that you’ve grown, perhaps its time to walk on your own, with less support. Just like when a baby starts walking, they use furniture to support them but after awhile they must walk across the room, without furniture to lean on. It might be difficult at first but after a few stumbles, you get your rhythm and you get stronger.
I finally received my Post Grad Applications! Yay! I have a couple of weeks to have it all filled in and sent off before I head off to the Phils for a couple of weeks, which I am looking forward to more and more as time passes, maybe cause I want a HOLIDAY from work! Hehe! Though busy at work to a point of hysteria, I am enjoying it. My environment certainly helps! Such a refreshing change! I am hoping that I can work and do Uni at the same time next year, if even Part Time.
All is well. Last weekend was a long weekend, which I was happy to spend a day of it at the beach with my girlfriends. The night before Mer and I engaged in a GG marathon. Which was oddly satisfying. I am looking forward to going back to Uni, so I ask for prayers that all will go smoothly re: applications and enrolments.
Cubby House has been awesome! I am loving it! The kids are sooo cute, and I find myself getting cluckier and cluckier as time passes. May not be a good thing! However as I sat there this weekend, in a certain FUNK all week, I did question whether or not I was serving in the right place, as much as I love it, I don?t know, I was just feeling restless. Perhaps it?s the age gap between me and the rest of my Team Mates. Can you say ?Gramma party of one? ??? My Team Mates are all still in High School and though they?re all amazing, I?m finding it hard to relate. But, it?s for the Kingdom, and for the kids so it?s all good. I am still awaiting a call from the lady that runs Treasure Chest, it?s been chaotic because of Kids Fest this week. How cool is this?more than 3000 were at the Kids Conference. That?s like the same amount of people at Colour! Watch out for the new DVD?it ROCKS. Marty Sampson sang with one of the little girls Chloe, and it?s soooo cute! So precious! I am starting to get my own ?regulars??
Segue: In my rambles about the kids, I remembered my other batch of kids?just had a peek at Zoe?s photos Amelia, she and Lara have grown so much! Thanks for the link! I miss the girls, please give them a big hug for me!
Tonight I have my Connect at QVB, as always! FUN FUN! Meeting up with Marie and Chrissy, my fave pair of twins for a coffee before meeting up with the rest of the crew.
Congratulations to C for getting his ticket out of HC! Yippee!!! You?re free!
Welcome back to the UK Ashe!
My friends had seen a snippet of the Europe Conference and they were raving about how awesome you guys looked, full of energy and passion, just as I had described. Sadly, and perhaps rather fortunately, I never go to see it as they didn?t show it at the service I went to. Probably a blessing in disguise, for I can?t guarantee that no tears would have been shed, as it?s already a little struggle to watch the opening of the service.
It was my Ma?s birthday yesterday so we were at the Family Restaurant that we have frequented to an un-countable figure. Funny enough, my 18th Birthday party was catered by the very same restaurant?oh my that was almost ten years ago!
The course I am applying for is Master or Special Education, which one of the components is that Early Intervention Cert that I wanted to do. The Master pretty much covers a wide range, giving me loads of options once it?s finished. Awaiting a phone call from one of the advisors about doing a Dip Ed as well.
With Uni starting just around the corner, it would be more than advisable to get my own wheels, so the fruits of my tax from London, once the cheque has been received, will be paying a good portion of a second hand broom broom for me. Fingers crossed and all that! So need my own wheels already!
Random thought: We have a new way for the Kids and Leaders to sign in at Kids Church and it?s via fingerprint. You touch the little fingerprint thing and your details come up. For Kids their fingerprint gets attached to their parents and vice versa, and if certain leaders care for leaders kids they?re fingerprint is also attached to the child. It?s soooo cool! Saves paperwork and a queue! Sad that I get so excited at technology!
Anyways, that?s it for the update. One day, my entries will become a little more exciting, till then, thanks for reading. Be blessed!
… I love this picture! Need I say more?
As I read through Annie’s blog I felt somewhat inadequate and slack for my lack of updates and so forth. You so put me to shame Annie! So here I am…blogging away! Sadly for those who actually drop by and check out my posting, I’m just rambling! But then again, what else is new.
At the moment I have two songs by Dana Glover on repeat, one is called ‘It is you’ and the other is ‘Thinking Over’ special thanks to my sister’s Itunes! I don’t exactly know why I love it, the words aren’t significant or anything, I guess it’s the melody. It gives you that chilled out feeling. It’s one of those laxed moments that I can picture myself in Sher’s front room in the hammock with the lights all dimmed. Ahhh, the hammock, how I miss it so. How I miss saying ‘Hammock’s mine!’ any time Jaco threatened to jump in there. =)
Spoke to Melissa B on the phone last night, sadly we weren’t able to hook up the whole time she was in Sydney, which is probably a good thing, it would have been hard to say goodbye again.
Long weekend coming up! Have plans to go away for the weekend with either my girlfriends, if we can get our act together, or with my buds whom I randomnly traveled with around Europe. Chances are that’s what I’m going to do. A weekend on the beach…yay! Exciting!
…my head hurts!
…another week almost over! Yay! I feel EXHAUSTED! My head’s all cloudy and all I want to do is sleep! It’s been a BIG WEEK. That started with a very full on weekend! Seriously!
Saturday I went to Amachi’s (John) wedding. Which was amazing! I have to say, it certainly set my standards high! Amachi has a way of doing that with me! As previously pointed out John previously was my Partner in Crime at work, and from the word go he was my Bud in every essence, not once in the lifespan of our friendship have I felt anything less than his friend. Despite his strong relationship with Mas, he was still there for me every step of the way, and always found the time to do ‘our thing’ and there is not a doubt on my mind that if I needed him then or now, he would drop anything to be there for me. I was fortunate enough to get a chance to hang with him for a little while before the ceremonies began. I was able to share his enthusiasm, his nervousness and his pur happiness. I felt nothing but gladness and happiness for him. He truly deserved it. As I watched him from where I sat, as he waited for Mas to arrive, I could sense the nervousness he felt, which fell away the moment his eyes fell on her as she walked down the aisle. His love for her overflowed through his face, the grin on his face and the subtle bounce as he waited excitedly. The look of love in her face assured me that this was one of those rare find ‘fairy tales’. As they shared their vows, his hands never let go of hers, nor did the continuous strokes he made with his thumb on the back of her hand, the whole time, his gaze never leaving hers. My friend was happy! I was ecstatic! John deserves this and so much more. His capacity to love is great, and his honour, its profoundly never shaken. In many ways he is one of my accountability partners, for which I will forever be grateful. As the ceremony ended and he passed me, he flashed me a grin and a wink, a gesture that sealed what I knew we would always have. That though things will inevitably change, our friendship will remain trasured. I have never been prouder of him as I felt when we hugged before parting that night. I am so glad he stood by his dream and after ten years, they got it! Kinda makes a cynical heart not be quite so cynical. =) John would be thrilled!
All is well. Admittedly I was a little London-sick this weekend. For more reasons than one. I missed my friends. The miss-able ones…hehe! Nah they’re all pretty miss-ables. I missed my life in London! I miss the HECTIC-ness of my world. Though my life is Hectic here, it bears a whole different set of consequences. I miss my kids. I miss being running from the Dominion Theatre to the Jury Hotel and wandering around Tottenham Court aimlessly in between. I miss Sunday night dinners! I even miss HC… well I miss my connections at HC. Weird! It took a couple of months.
After John’s wedding I drive to Ross’ place to catch a little of his birthday celebrations, but which at Midnight was still pretty impressive. Hung out with Mer in the room for awhile and had a TALK, which made me feel better, and possibly made me more confused, but anyways! =)
Last night Ann and I had a dinner date, which is what I was sorely needing! We got to talk, really talk and just de-brief about everything without being rushed, or disturbed, without weirdness. Thanks Banan!
Tuesday Night I had Connect at QVB. My Connect Group rocks! I am thoroughly enjoying getting to know my new Connect-Mates. My buddy Marie is being baptised this weekend, and I am so excited. I am also thinking of sitting in at Kids Church to get a feel for the atmosphere. I have handed my forms in, and start my Partners in Vision course this Thursday, which gets my ball rolling. I have gotten in touch with someone about Treasure Chest too, which I am really excited about. Enrolment for Uni is in the next couple of months. Pray it all falls into place!
So that’s pretty much it for me…. my head hurts! SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP!
This is yours truly with the familyI’m home early-ish! Yay!!! After such a weekend, I was sooo trashed at work the whole day. That’s what one gets when she opts for other things other than sleep! Though in saying that, I bare no regrets! Which is great in hindsight, cause I can tell you while I was trying to keep my head from falling to my chin while answering mundane questions, I thought sleep may have been a more sensible route!
Friday evening I had my chikas over, with the exception of Mer who was sick. After a horrendous journey home, with trains cancelling one after the other, I finally barely made it home to make dinner. By 8:30, Val, Ann, Jes and I were sitting down to dinner in my Mother’s precious formal dining room, candles lit for that extra ambiance. The four of us had a great time chatting, and laughing. It’s been awhile since we’ve had one of those sides hurting laughs, and this weekend was filled with them. So cool! Val, Vlad and I said our goodnights at like 3:30 in the morning.
Saturday I went bookcase shopping. I’ve been wanting to arrrange my room to my liking, and I needed a bookshelf and finally on Saturday my mother and I went to furniture store, one after another for like two hours till I found the perfect one. I love furniture shopping, but after the second hour they were all starting to look the same. So when I got home I began my mission….I literally ripped my room apart and just throwing away things. It was therapeutic. My highlights were being on Skype with Ashe and C, who certainly made my raking through my belongings more entertaining. Especially to them who heard me drop things on myself, trip over my belongings, and who knows what else. Conference call on Skype Rocks!
My cleaning lasted till the next day, due to the amount of breaks and distractions I had in between. I know, I know, my bad. I tried to take the odd nap here and there, but it just wasn’t sticking, till it was time to make my way to H. City (Waterloo). As I had told Ashe in one of our conversations on Saturday I was feeling a little challenged in the whole finding ‘HOME’, it just wasn’t sticking, no matter how many times I called to get details for a Connect Group, I just wasn’t getting anywhere which was beginning to frustrate me. The overthinker in me seriously began to question whether I really was meant to be there, or elsewhere, which was necessary. Soooo I made decision to check out the one in Waterloo. From the moment I walked in, it felt much better. More than anything, it felt homey. It reminded me so much of the chaos we had in the Mermaid and the Dominion. The foyer atmosphere felt soooo great, daunting but at least familiar. After shoving from my friends, I went to the Welcome Lounge to get ‘Connected’ and nobody was there, so I was like ‘Okay, I’m going to go now, I tried…’ and hight ail it out of there, and then while I was filling in my details for this guy, he introduced me to one of the Connect Group Hosts and she in turn introduced me to everyone that seemed to be around us….alas I have my very first Connect Group tomorrow. It’s a social night, so it’s less daunting…yeah right! It’s smack bang in the city so it’s easy for me to get to. Secondly no driving is involved so regardless how tired and sleepy I am, it doesn’t matter because I am not driving. Yay! Praise God! Then today, just to mess with me, I finally get a call about Connect Group for the Hills, but aside from already making plans to go to the one in QVB Town Hall, I won’t make it in time and back again if I have to go all that way. So there you go… Waterloo reminded me so much of London, than it felt like I walked into a security blanket. I also ran into Jen Lee who I met through some friends back in London, we hugged but both had to go, but I shall be seeing her around there, as I have decided to go there from now on. Equal effort and distance to get to, so why not. It was sooo nice to see a familiar face. I met a really nice South African chick, which of course made me miss a good portion of my buddies! =) Got invited to someone’s birthday, it was crazy. Hence, it felt like London.
My friends and I also had a great time hanging out before going to church. We had some serious laughs….unfortunately at Ann’s expense as a result of her MISHAPS all day! Regent’s Park Hotel will never be the same again for you will it? For any of us for that matter. Mutch, you’re a crack up! I love hanging out with you!
This week shall be interesting, starting with tomorrow’s thing. Saturday I have plans with one of my old workmates Mel, who I just found out was preggers! CONGRATULATIONS!!! Was thinking of dragging John along too…mental note to self, call John back as promised a week ago! My bad! Ummm, after lunch with Mel I was thinking of heading straight to Waterloo for the 5pm service. Thank you Mom for your car! =)
Sunday we have tentative dinner plans with my Godmother again before she flies back to the Phils.
Anyways, that’s it for me for now… going to crash early. Hope all is well with everyone. Muchos Hugs!
… it seems it has been over a week since my last blog, but with my currentschedule, i usually drag myself home and collapse on my bed dissolving anyresolution to be productive! Work is crazy, soooo busy my head spins!Welcomed change of pace yes, nice? Not so much! Especially since I amlearning on the job and have people’s money in my hands. Credit? Debit? Is the difference all that big?
Ummm, yeah!What’s new? Well… my going to church on a Sunday morning kicked off thisweekend. Got to go to the morning service and this weekend, I plan to loiterin the ‘FOYER’ in search of a Connect Group. I realise it may not be as coolas my previous, but hey, I feel blessed that I was in the coolest one ever in my lifetime….I feel those words are going to bite me in the butt one ofthese days!
Friday night I had a mission! To borrow DVD’s and watch them all weekend!I’m telling you I am loving my one chill evening a week at home…so Iborrowed all these girly flicks which I still haven’t watched. So much forplans! After borrowing the DVD’s I rocked up to my cousin’s house to visitwith the kids and return DVD’s to him that I had borrowed and never watchedthe week before (I do sense a pattern). Instead of the drop and run I hadplanned, it ended up a couple of hours of catching up with my cousin in lawwhile being begged by my godchild to play with her. Begged, Bossed…notmuch difference there either. Unfortunately Maddie Rose was already sleepingso I only had a little cuddle with her, which was suffice seeing as it wasme who took her time at Blockbuster picking movies that I miss my niece awake!
Saturday? I took my time getting ready to meet with Kaye and Ann at GlenDenning. I couldn’t get over the fact that my buddy Kaye was married withchild. However the best thing about Kaye is that despite it all, she hasremained the same. Married Kaye and Single Kaye, she was still the sameperson. She still got me and vice versa. Memories kept flooding in as wecaught up. We had heaps of laughs, and despite the time and distance, shestill read between the lines. Despite her new circustances, my role as herfriend hasn’t changed. Which I have to say was/is, much appreciated.
Hey Kids,
Dropping in and saying hello! My blogging skills have detriorated a little. I’m torn between feeling incredibly LIGHTWEIGHT and OLD. Between the travel to and from work, it takes the wind out of you. Throw in the gym with that, I am just completely buggered by the time I get home and literally pass out as soon as I am showered, sometimes even before. Apart from that, all is good.
I have been driving more and more, which has a whole new sense of freedom and independence that I am loving! Let’s just say ever since I have resigned from the Worship Team, and had my last singing lesson, singing outloud, hasn’t been something I have been comfortable doing! Hehe! So let’s just say when I am in that car, ALONE, I sing my little heart out. ” TAKE TAKE TAKE IT ALL!!! ” I think I have even beat Sherrod in the whole Cooky Sherrod Voice.
The weekend that has just passed, I spent quite chilled. Friday evening I got home after being soaked by the Monsoon on my way home and just jumped into the PJ’s and sat there with my DVD’s. Soooo nice! I was wrapped up in my Doona (duvet) and it was the best place ever! I am well versed in Gilmore Girls at the moment.
Saturday morning was spent hanging out with the Parentals, yup, both of them, at the Square. Ran a few errands, bought presents for all these babies that seem to be popping out all at the same time.
After the shopping expedition I went home and got ready to go out. I had plans to visit Lin, my sis’ best friend from High School, as she gave brith on the Friday, and then head to church! What a mission! I got to church only to realise that the service started at 6pm instead of 5pm & 7pm…uh duh! So I had like an hour, I decided to head over to the hospital, even though the visiting hours didn’t start till 6pm, I was hoping to sneak in and leave just after 6 to make the service, seeing as it was only 15 minutes away. In theory. The baby was ADORABLE…and seriously hoping they weren’t serious about calling him Wolfgang! No Loi! Got to see the baby and Lin for a little while before high tailing it back to church, which shoudln’t have taken long, but it turns out I made the wrong turn and headed in the other direction…DUH! At this point I was just amused and frustrated at myself, so I turned back and got there just as the message began. The service was great, it reminded me of Saturday Nights at the Mermaid. Remember those? I drove home, singing my little heart out! I got home around 9pm, just in time to meet my friends for a movie, which I opted out of in the end to have another chilled night at home.
Thoroughly enjoyed my journey on Saturday. It was nice to just chill… drive my own pace. Talk out loud, sing completely off key. Have that one on one with God, it was well cool.
Sunday my Ats came over with the other Ats (Sue) and of course we once agin ended up at the Square because my sister had to return something. From there we went on our visit the newborns afternoon. We went to the Miner’s and met little Kathleen Theresa, aka Katy! She’s adorable and a spittin image of her father. I’m sure Gie’s genes will kick in soon enough. Then we visited my God child and my sister’s God child, who are sisters so that was nice and afterwards the three of us sat around talking and it was great to be able to just air out things I was frustrated about. My sis and Sue are pretty cool at providing perspective. As I sat there and moaned about my recent frustration.
The coolest thing about this weekend was that when I was getting lost on my drive and realised that I was minutes away from missing out on the word, I totally considered throwing it in and going home. But I didn’t, I went. The message was great, but it wasn’t till I was on the way home and I had whacked on one of the resource CD’s I got of Donna Crouch that I realised why I had to go (duh aside from the obvious) that night. In the CD Donna was talking about this chick who had asked for a room when her son was diagnosed with Autism, she wanted to have a room where she could cater for her son who couldn’t cope in the normal kids church environment, too loud, too bright, the usual. Anyways, long story short and year and a half later she runs a room for kids with special needs and it’s called Treasure Chest (or something, it’s Treasure something)…so that pretty much answers any questions I had about where to serve??? How cool is that???? Looking into the details this weekend and see where that takes me. How exciting! God’s awesome ey!
Tonight I have a date with Gym. It’s an abusive relationship we’re in, but hey girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do!
Not sure what this weekend entails, looking into hanging out at church and do the whole mingling (she shudders) thing. It’s scary, but it’s gotta be done. Need to get planted and NOW. Need to make new friendships and develop new relationships. I need to move onwards and follow the path in front of me, and realise that not everyone is meant to walk alongside with me forever. Though those who are, you’re much appreciated. Especially the ones currently so far away right now…and you know who you are.
Settling down I thought would have a lot to do with old friends and what not, and though to some extent that has been true, it is only to a degree. I found myself frustrated this weekend, and I haven’t felt that way in awhile. But it was a lesson, and I needed to realise that just as my season in London has finished, along with it some relationships, coming back to Sydney I had to realise that seasons of friendships here too had a limited lifespan. Sad, but true.
Anyways, that’s my rambles for this Wednesday afternoon.
Congratulations to Deano for the Permit! Yay! Praise God! Have a safe trip back to South Africa. See you in London! When I’m not sure, but it’s comfort enough to know you are there. London would so not be the same without you!
I think that’s it. Peace out all!
It seems that the time has come for us to say goodbye to Sulgrave Road House, our H’Smith Connect (ROCKS) home! So many memories…fun times! You know that Cheer’s Theme, it’s weird and you will so laugh but when I think of out H’Smith Connect home, that is the first tune that comes into my head when I think of that house.
It’s cheesy and I know it, laugh, but it’s true! That house has been an epitomy of Welcome Home for a lot of us, and I just wanted to take this opportunity to page my homage to it, and those who currently live in that house and have made that place home for us.
Thank you Jeremy, Crystal and Fraser for opening up your home to us, and making us feel so at home that more often than not it was hard to leave, and at times we actually didn’t leave. Season’s over and it can only get better from here. So I wish the three of you all the luck with the moves and stuff, I pray that it all goes smoothly. I know what’s ahead can only get better. Look forward to visiting you guys in your new aboad in the forseeable future =) I did make you that promise Crystal! Hehe!