…a brief glance…

where do i begin???

as everyone pretty much knows, my poor lil’ saatchi (car) suffered a lil’ bruising last weekend, which gave me a lil’ scare. it was bad enough to be in my first accident, but to have had it in my mom’s car, was even worse. i felt so bad that i had crashed her car.  but he now has new tyres and will undergo a re-construction surgery of his front left fender whilst i am away in phils!

speaking of which… that is this saturday! the sibs and i are off to the phils for two weeks to sort out my mom’s estate in manila. it should be a fairly emotional and highly tense two weeks ahead… i can’t wait! *note sarcasm*

news: my friend kaye aka kaychoy bakchoy has given birth to a beautiful little man named Xander Christian. sooo cute. lil’ XaC was born on the 25th april… ANZAC baby!

also my ate meanne give birth to Patricia Annette on the 23rd

babies babies babies! not to mention a good handful (or two) of my friends are preggie! year of the babies! how exciting!

ann and i went to visit kaye on monday for her birthday, and got to meet lil’ XaC…he was so tiny and sooo cute.

on friday my weekend of fun with my Posse began. the morning was spent at the RTA taking my Green P exam. which i passed! woo hooo! i can now LEGALLY drive 100kph. haha!

that afternoon the banans came to pick me up and begin our journey to our hotel apartment. we were filled with excitement, anticipation, and eagerness that not even the overheated car and bad directions from the hotel could dampen the spirit, till…

we got to OAKS Hyde Park, and without warning, or apologies we were told that the 2 bedroom apartment we had booked months ago was no longer available, and that not only were we not getting a two bedroom apartment, we were getting two seperate rooms on different floors. now if the guy even had an ounce of remorse, he surely hid it well, along with his customer service skills! so we reluctantly checked into the two apartments, in two separate floors and was disgusted at the state in which they were in. they were worse than motel F1 if that gives anyone an idea of what it was like. not only was it old, decapitated, and gross… it was filthy and nothing worked. just being in the room made me itch and i was not happy! to the extent that i played the ‘bunso’ (youngest) card and called ate jes and complained! who immediately called the hotel and demanded refund as it was not the room she had booked for us…. 10 minutes after her phone call we checked out. i went next door to the marriott and booked us a room. from the moment i walked in, i loved those guys! they were super helpful, to the point that one of the guys, Tim… walked over to the flea infested hotel next door to pick up my preggy friend Mer and all of our luggage.

when Tim opened the door to our room Mer and i hugged excitedly as though it was christmas morning. the room was so nice (in general and definitely in comparison to the dog house we just left) we called the others quite excited and told them to hurry over from work and what not.

we walked to Oxford Street for dinner and ended up at a Spanish restaurant and Gloria Jeans for coffee, where my cousin Cynt came to hang with us a girlies for awhile.  mind you she was a little disgusted that it was 10 o’clock on a friday night and here we were winding down at gloria jeans. haha!

after ramir came to pick val and mootz-batutz, the four of us… Mer, Ann, Jes and i explored the hotel. checked out the so called heated pool (not quite heated) the jacuzzi, the steam room and sauna before getting ready for bed. by midnight we were sprawled around our respective beds and chatting till we fell asleep. ann and jes we’re very good saturday morning and went on a long walk to and around hyde park, whilst mer and i enjoyed our sleep in before meeting up with the girls for brunch downstairs.

both ann and i had a wedding this weekend around the city so after brunch we got ready. by 2ish we were both outta there and at our own weddings to attend to. mer and jes did a little shopping whilst they waited around for us. by 10 we were all back in the hotel, where we chatted some more and watched dvd’s till we all passed out. we had a quick brunch sunday morning before going to church, and hearing the banans preach.

it was a pretty chilled out weekend which is what we were all aiming for. it’s funny to think that we would rent out a hotel in the city just to chill, but it was a very much needed mini holiday for all of us, and one that we all enjoyed. as ann pointed out, we were the only friends we can do what we did this weekend with so comfortably. we’ve all been away together before, many many times and we’re known each other forever, that it’s home. i love that! through the years, through time apart, we can get back to this… it affirms that some things are meant to last.

the last few months have been such a struggle for me, more so than i openly admitted till now that familiarity brings me much comfort. my family, my friends. people who have remained in my life, despite circumstance and geography.

ann, jes, mer & val – thanks for the weekend, and for your constant presence.

ann – our ability to co-exist and have such intertwined lives always amazes me and brings me such comfort.

jes – no words are necessary! you’re my sis, in every possible way!

mer – i love that i have become such a permanent fixture in your house at least once a week…to an extent where your hubby looks for me when i’m not there.

val – bru! my afternoons would sooo not be the same without our daily catch up sessions. how fun are they!

fun moments of this weekend, and the hysterical laughter…well the laughter after the immense frustration from Oaks…. are memories that i know we will all take with us for the rest of our lives. we’ve been through so much, and i know that my life is more than blessed by having you guys around me, in my immediate world, ready to catch me when i fall. thanks for the ear and for the understanding, when at times even i cannot discern what is going on within me.

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you

i used this song on the dvd, because when i first heard it i thought of all that we have been through together, and it rings true! so thank you!

on a sad note, an uncle has passed away, and though i did not know him well, i knew his son well, for he lived with us for many years and in those years he was adopted as a brother. an annoying brother, but a brother. i knew it would be difficult to go to the novena prayers, and i was right. so much brought back those first nights after mom passed away, the novena payers we did for her on the days that followed after her death. more often than not it was hard to distinguish between those first nights to last nights novena prayers. each moment was like a teleport transfer back to those first days. where we would go through each page of that novena, sing those songs, and each time it would hit hard just what we had lost, and how much we were losing from our every day life. last night, or in all honesty the last week, with the car crash and all it was like losing my mom all over again. it’s dumb i know, as it is only a car, but it was my mom’s car. it’s a piece of her.

on friday it will be five months. it’s hard to believe that it’s already may and we have endured life for this long without her. i often wonder if that emptiness will ever stop filling like an endless void, as her absence plagues me more than i care to admit. i do feel like i have lost control and at times only grasping at straws…but i’m not alone. i know that there are a few of us in our own purgatory. there are so many things, every day things that i realise i share with my mom and whenever something creeps up there is that desire to tell her, only to remember she isn’t there anymore. that she will never be there anymore. that i will never come home again with her waiting for me at the kitchen counter. the word envy creeps to mind when i see my friends with their mom’s, moments i will never again share with my mom.

i have officially defered from Uni for the rest of the year, and though it has not been my proudest moment admitting defeat, it was necessary. my heart is no longer in it. at least for this season of my life. there was no point in continuing and failing.  one day i hope to once again pick up that flat pack of my dreams, until then there are other dreams in my heart that i want to pursue, and whilst i’m working on the logistics of that, i will remain at my current work place…. happy happy joy joy happy happy joy!

i feel the last five months of my life has been a job season. but as job did, i know i will come through from this. we all will!