…a brief glance…

After being in Blog hiatus for over six months, here I am. Though in all fairness I did write an extensively long one in April that was conveniently erased during system maintenance, which was rather convenient. Perhaps there were things there I wasn’t meant to really say out loud.

To say that a lot has changed in six months would be an understatement, it feels like the last few months has been this test of endurance, that at times I wasn’t sure I was going to survive let along conquer… but months later, I can safely say that all is well and certainly getting there.

I realised that last year was spent merely surviving each day as it came, that it was all about being able to just get up in the morning and just putting one foot in front of the other, and being seemingly okay, and put together. Imagine my surprise when I realised that whatever strength I hid behind had reared its ugly head because I hadn’t dealt with all that had happened all those months before. All of a sudden I felt lost and lacking of direction, dreams and ambition lost for a moment, that whatever faith I had anchored myself on began to waiver. After months of self analysis and working through my own brain, HUZZAH breakthrough has come. There were things I needed to work through in my own time and in my own way, and though I know there is some way to go and I will forever be a work in progress, I know myself a lot better than ever before.

I definitely think I am going to love being in my thirties… Val made me laugh the other day quoting from Suddenly Thirty referring to my upcoming birthday, ‘Thirty, Flirty and Thriving’, now I don’t know about the Flirty part, but I am definitely in the foot of thriving, slowly and surely.

So much has change in many months, relationships have shifted, expectations have altered and there are certain boundaries within myself that I have set and will not cross.

I have a great handful of girlfriends who in one way or another I am in touch with regularly, and they’re the ones I do life with. Some I see often, some not at all, but in some form or another they are a part of me. I have grown to learn the importance of my girlfriends, and the variety that each bring to my life. The fun, the laughter, the dinner dates, the chats… the retail therapy! You know who you are!

Tonight we celebrated my sister’s birthday… again! We celebrated last night (Monday) because I was working on Tuesday night (tonight). In the end, I ended up joining them at this dinner too. I came to my sister’s last night with every intention of staying the night, pre-empting an EMOTE session with my sister, as you do on certain occasions of your life that you long for your Mother. Unfortunately, after hanging out with the nephew, also known as Alex (the Kitten) King of ‘the DUMP’ my allergies kicked in. Eyes watery, face puffy, struggling to breathe without the wheezing, you name it, I had it last night. So we made a necessary trip to a late night Chemist, and because it was so bad, I took two instead of the one prescribed. Needless to say I was asleep a couple of hours later, therefore missing the moment, which was more than likely a good thing. Sorry Ats, I didn’t mean to abandon you last night.

Fully medicated, waking up this morning was a bit of a struggle and keeping awake throughout the day even more so. Violent allergic reaction or not do you think that my darling nephew kitten cared??? No, or course not. It gave him more of a reason to climb all over me and sleep all over me. All day that’s all he did. Bonding Schmonding, that cat knows he’s cute and he knows which suckers to use it on. So once again I am fully medicated. You gotta love it. I finally get a nephew and I’m allergic to him.

My sis and I have a joint birthday party on the 12th of July, and the exciting part is that my cousin’s from Melbourne will be there too. It’d be nice to have all of us together again. We caught a glimpse of how much we all missed each other when we went to Melbourne for Bernadette’s 18th in February. It’d be great to have all of us in one room again, along with all the craziness involved in that. It’ll be great to hang out with my nieces and nephew. I have made numerous trips to Melbourne in the last year and a bit, and it’s mostly to hang out with my cousins. I am back there again at the end of July with Jes as we are going to watch Wicked… yay! It’s safe to say I now know all the words to the Musical. I am sooo looking forward to it. I have a couple of weekend trips before South Africa, and it’s weird to see just how fast time has flown by.

Both the Brother and the Sister went away a couple of weeks ago, leaving me orphaned for about a week and a bit, leaving me to my own devices. So let me send a shout out to my girlies who kept me company throughout that week, the lunches, the dinners, the movies, the coffees, the talking, the shopping, I am grateful…. Thank you Tita Pat for picking me up, dropping me off, picking me up, and dropping me off =)

Having them not around just made me realise even more how much the three of us have grown as a Unit and to have one missing was hard enough, but to have both seemed just wrong. I’m glad they’re back.

High lights wouldn’t do it justice to all that’s happened these last few months…

At work I have transitioned into my permanent night shift roster, which hasn’t been too bad as I have at least regained some control over my schedule instead of the whirlwind it was jumping from one roster cycle to another. Being a night owl helps a lot… but as much as I am enjoying this place, it’s wearing thin. Customer Service is not my dream job. So I have decided to re-apply to my old course at Macquarie University, post grad in Special Needs (Intervention) 0-3yrs old. I was reminded recently as to where my heart truly was, and it certainly isn’t in finance having to deal with financially inept bozo’s ready to abuse you for their lack of brain activity.

For a moment I had considered a Working Holiday Visa to Canada, but the more I thought about it, as alluring as it was, it would merely be another form of escape, and I wasn’t up for starting all over again. I am finally enjoying myself, and settling back, beginning new friendships, setting down roots, making long term plans, etc. I remembered what I have known from the moment I made that decision to jump back on a plane home, that it was time, and this is where I am meant to be. At least for the foreseeable future.

I am extremely thankful for certain girlfriends, and one or two guy friends in my life that God has placed as guideposts and accountability partners, who are more than willing to listen to my bouncing off ideas, and question my motives if need be, for pointing out the direction to a road I may have forgotten I wanted to take.

This year is a big birthday year, I am turning thirty, Ate is turning thirty five and Kuya is turning forty, and to say not having Mom around to celebrate these milestones, well, it just goes without saying doesn’t it. The thought of celebrating your birthday when the person who birthed you isn’t there to share the occasion, seems wrong.

It’s hard to believe it’s the second birthday we’re going to celebrate that she won’t be there to cook pancit for long life, make tray loads of spring rolls. Be there to shop with for the birthday outfit. Stroll the malls for the sake of window shopping. But most of all, she’s not going to be climbing into my bed at midnight to wish me a Happy Birthday and stay there for a couple of hours before heading back to her own bed. If she was working or I wasn’t home, the midnight phone call will come through and more often than not it was her…it’s the little things. The care package from home when I was away…the list is endless.

Lately, I have been dreaming about her more and more and I realise it is the season, seeing as it is nearing our birthdays. Recently I dreamt of her, and she was so real that when I woke up and realised I had dreamt it all, I cried because for a fraction of a moment, I had forgotten it was real. That she was gone.

The month of July is crazy… I am off more than I am on at work, which makes for a good month I say =) with the extra couple of days I have off before the birthday celebration to hang out with my cousins, and the couple of extra days for Melbourne, and for the Sunshine Coast for Bek’s wedding, well I have two weeks in that frame where I work a full four day week. SCORE!!! I sooo can’t wait for WICKED.

So that’s it for me, I’ll try and blog more often, update all on the latest haps, but I make no promises. May was a whirlwind of events, as was June, and from what I can see, July will be too… oh well, that’s what makes it fun!