…a brief glance…

It’s been awhile since the entry. My last entry being just before the New Year, and it wasn’t for the lack of trying. I think I must have started ten posts in the last few weeks, and never got to finish them. Easily distracted, and just lack of inspiration I guess. So many thoughts not enough drivers.

Well I am please to say that we now have a new addition to the family… Mags, my Macbook. My companion and new best friend. We’re rarely apart these days. We tight! It is for her that I am able to write this blog whilst on the train home, which certainly makes the an hour and a half train ride worth it.

So what’s new in the New Year? So much, yet not so much.

I have to admit that I looked forward to the New Year with anticipation. It was like a brand new year. A new beginning. My Mom has been gone for over a year, and we have spent the last year surviving the worst moments of our lives, and not with a New Year ahead, it seemed like there was a promise of hope, a hope for a life less sad.

Not a day that goes by that I don’t miss my Mother, or that I don’t think of her. As I am sure it goes for my siblings and my Aunts. However as her first year anniversary passed, there was a sense of release, at least for me. I know that Mother would not have wanted any of us to live less than the life she had envisioned for us and was proud of.

Whilst it was great to see everyone on the regular basis, I felt it was time to cease the 11th family gatherings. So much has changed and continuing the, and I use the term loosely ‘tradition’ no longer deemed appropriate. I will always be grateful for the opportunity we had to hang out more often than we ever would have, but it’s been a year, and though the 11th will always be significant to my siblings and I, as well as the Aunts we too must move forward. The bonds created out of those monthly gathering will only withstand with those who embraced them for what they were, and not as obligations, therefore, those bonds will outlast the monthly get togethers we will no longer have. For those relationships I am grateful.

I feel like the last couple of months I have been forced to grow up, more than I ever thought possible after my Mother passed away, but in a way, it was like a gift from my mother. In the last couple of months, I have learned the importance of family, and how grateful I am for who I have around me. Wholeheartedly and sincerely. Who despite the craziness, has understood the deeper meaning of circumstances instead of taking them on face value. Who has stood by me, my siblings, my Aunts, who in the most important of ways have become our surrogate Mothers. There to listen to my daily ramblings, and what nots. Who take care of us so selflessly as though they were our own. I have learned I guess who’s who in my life.

As I sat at the dinner table at my sister’s place, with my siblings + 1 (my in-law). I knew that THIS was my family. From cradle to grave, my sister and my brother are the only one’s who are there for me without a shadow of doubt, without question…and it goes beyond the family obligations and bloodlines, yes that does have a lot to do with it, but my Mother had brought us up in such a way that despite our faults, annoyances with each other, the three of us will always take care of one another. That we as my brother pointed out on Sunday are a ‘UNIT’… I think at that point we all realized we are a UNIT.

Though my brother is not one for many words, his presence in my life is immeasurable. We have gone from co-existing in the house to a some sort of partnership that I always hoped we would grow up into having. He takes care of me in so many ways, and though I often joke that he is RAIN MAN (and he so is on so many levels) he is the brother that looks out for me, and for my Ats. That if we ever truly needed him, he would be the first to give every thing up to make sure we were okay. My brother, just like my Mother is the type who will buy you something you want because you want it if he can. That’s he go without buying something for himself to buy you something. He has a silent generosity that I have learned to appreciate in the time I have been living with him 24/7 for the last year and a half. Not to say he isn’t a pain in the butt on most days… coz he is! Begging for internet airtime is a common occurrence in our household =)

My sister has always been my partner…though she has the tendency to Baby me at the time demand I grow up (so much like my mother), she is the one I call first and always had. We are sisters in every sense of the word. When both of us are on the same cycle… look out! But aside from my mother, she has been my biggest supporter, encourager, and reality thermometer. Without her strength, and head for responsibility we would not have survived this year. She has taken full responsibility of everyone, just as my mother would (with the same bossy-ness may I add) and her intentions are always good.

The three of us have our own strengths, our own abilities that was nurtured as we grew up. Certain roles we grew into as a result. But the drumming of my mother’s voice of ‘Family comes First’ has resonated so deeply within our hearts…that it is what has enabled us to endure the worst year of our lives. Never would I have imagined how true my Mother’s words would be, certainly not when I rolled my eyes as she spoke them, but my how true they are. God gave us an awesome gift of a Mother who was in no means perfect and flawless, but she loved us with all that she could, and she imparted the most important lesson that will carry us for the rest of our lives… that it is only your family who stand with you through the deepest of valleys and highest of mountains.

Who would have thunk it? It stuck!

There are some people in my life that has long since transitioned into family, and they know who they are. For them, I am grateful. People who know which days are significant without being told, who are just there at the right time, who happens to have a radar at the most appropriate moments. Who are a part of my every day life in some form or another. Who know me.

There are also people in my life who for one reason or another, are no longer around. A part of me felt like I was mourning them too this year, but as the cliche goes, there are people who are in your life for Seasons, Reasons and Lifetime. For those whose season has passed, I thank you for what you had brought to my life.

2008 began with my beloved family standing in our front lawn watching the fireworks. As we had done for many years, with only my Mother as the missing piece. Though it was hard, the urge to cry had been reduced to a sad sigh.

The days that followed were full of hope. As the New Year had emerged, so did a lot my mindsets. I was and I am determined to make this year a different year. Last year was all about SURVIVAL, this year is about restoring old dreams, looking forward to the new, and just enjoying what it ahead. I know who I am and what I am not willing to stand for or compromise. I know who my family is and who my friends are. I know what I want, and I know that God has planted dreams in my heart that I have yet to acknowledge, and old dreams that I have been reminded. All I know is that I’m excited for the year ahead.

With a trip to South Africa, London and Greece in the pipeline, I cannot help but be excited. Not to mention a few friends from London are scheduled to visit only months apart from each other. So much to look forward to.

This year is going to ROCK!