Well, it’s been a week since my decision. Thank you to those who have posted replies to my OUTLET. Your support has been awesome, and it means a lot that you’ve taken the time to encourage and basically make me feel better. (I could almost hear the ‘RAHHHHH’ from my Ats and Sue)
It’s one thing to make a decision, it’s another to live with it. I know those that have watched my struggle from a far are so proud, for they see a progress within me…Christian even went as far as to say I’ve somewhat grown. Ha! Though he has been bagging me out for the lack of depth in my blogs, he was very proud of what I produced last week. (I am to please Bips) Admittedly I am feeling a little pressured now to produce something equally engaging. One can only try…
London is cold…and getting colder. London is also the lonliest place in the world if you let it. Especially if you’re not the pub and club type…which I ain’t! Lucky for me I have found friends who are into the same things, bookish, museum/gallery people…
Allie, one of my first friends in London. She’s the one I met at Easy Internet on my 4th day in London, she’s from Adelaide. We had dinner on Monday night, and we haven’t seen each other since before I left for Italy, but we have been in touch. We picked up from where we left off and talked non stop. We talked about what we were feeling so many months down the track. Where we were at, etc etc. It was nice to speak to someone who got where I was coming from. Who, in her own way was homesick too, but soldiering on and making the most of it. As I was.
I realise I was blessed with great people in my travels. Meeting Cristina, Lorena, Isabel and the others at the dorm were great stepping stones. I could have met them anywhere and at any time, but I met them during the beginning of my travels. Where we were all experiencing similar things, which bonded us for life. To this day I am still in touch with them, especially Cristina. I know I couldn’t and wouldn’t have survived those first few weeks without them.
I have met some great people since, and the more people I meet the broader my horizons become. I feel a lot more confident. A little less scared. A lot more adventurous.
After making the decision I made, I have to admit that I worried about where I would stand, once I got back. I know with my family, I will always be Kie…which is a great comfort, but I worry about where I will fit in once I get back. As it is it feels like life has moved on without me, and as selfish as it sounds, ‘how could it?’ hehe… I know a lot of things will be different, and perhaps for the better, I imagine. But that’s still a long way away. So there’s no point in worrying about it. I’m just babbling.
We live in a world where we want to have our cake and eat it too….but if your pardon my ignorance, what is the point of having a cake, if you’re not going to eat it….but we won’t trivialise that any further.
When I was talking to my sister no long ago, and I was crying….again….she pointed out that if I was miserable, what was keeping me here. Just get on the plane and go home. Trust my Ats to simplify everything…trying to be the Oracle and tower of knowledge, like Sue….hehe….but that’s what she’s there for. She’s there to always question what I’m doing to assure myself of what I really want. The thing is, I’m not miserable. I love that I’m in London, living out my dream! I’m here. I’m working. I’m living and surviving. I just miss home. I miss the comforts. But I know I am here for a reason, and I am going with that. Trusting that, and just going with it.
…anyways…
This weekend I have a few things in the pipeline. Friday is Laundry night. But first I have to vote. Saturday I may be going out with Katie and Lisa to Notting Hill. At night they want to go to this pub that’s having a country and western so that should be interesting. Sunday I might meet up with Allie in the morning, and then meet up with Katie and Lisa for Hillsong.
Tonight I’m going out to dinner with a cople of friends from Choir. No practice today so we’re going to have dinner together. Should be fun.
With that I shall sign off. I hope everyone has a good weekend. Happy Birthday to my Mommy! I wish I were there for the celebrations…